dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
