I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
