WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
