corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
