Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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