ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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