I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
