It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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