Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
pray to the hookup gods
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
