I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
