Buhtt sex?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize