You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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