I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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