There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
operation have a gay friend backfired
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
