i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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