I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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