so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
time to smoke my breakfast
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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