I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
