Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
