Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
