Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
