what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
