Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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