am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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