Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
