we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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