We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
