Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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