grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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