Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
