does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
