Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
