I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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