I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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