8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
