My sheets look like a crime scene.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
