I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were trust falling into bushes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
