I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
