Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
