things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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