I could make wine with my vomit
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
