He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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