She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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