THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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