Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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