tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
