I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
