Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
