i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
