I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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