i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
