he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize