I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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