How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
