A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
