Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize