my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize