Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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