Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
