I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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