I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
