How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize