so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
