Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize