Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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