you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
