Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
